Last week I began an online Bible study, called What Happens when Women say Yes to God, which has inspired me to start this blog. The theme of the first chapter in the book is “Whatever God says do, do it!” So what is holding me back from going deeper in my relationship with God?
My son, J, is a four year old boy with bouncing blonde curls and a very tender heart. Every new experience he encounters, from a new playground to making new friends, to going to preschool is a long and sometimes painful process. He’s insanely smart and extremely sensitive. Recently, I enrolled him and his twin brother, D, in swim lessons. My husband and I agreed it was long overdue, but as you can imagine, we knew we were facing a battle. J loves the water, but swimming pools terrify him. He’ll run into the ocean or a lake and he’ll throw a fit if I don’t let him spend ample time in the bathtub, but that sweet boy was not a fan of swimming pools and he would not stop clinging to the side of that pool until very recently (two weeks into swim lessons to be exact) and that came only after plenty of encouragement, cheering, promises of safety and good old fashion bribery. Now he actually looks forward to swim lessons and is so very proud of himself, as I knew he would be. But every week the teacher walks those four year olds to the deep end; and she jumps off the diving board and waits, arms wide open for those little one’s to jump off the diving board into her arms. As you can imagine, the first few weeks J wouldn’t even get near the edge. Just last week, however, I watched in amazement as he slowly climbed onto the board. He walked to the end and looked over the edge. He looked at his teacher. He looked at me. He stood there at least one full minute, his face alternating between determination and fear. And then he backed off the board and the next child hopped on the board and into the water. His face was lined with disappointment. I told him I was so proud that he’d taken that next step, that he had tried, but his big blue eyes couldn’t hide the hurt.
I think that’s where I’m at in my walk with God. I love getting into the water; splashing around and I’m really good at holding onto the side with a death grip. I can so relate to that fear my sweet J has. Standing on the edge, knowing I would be jumping into the arms of someone that loves me so much He allowed HIS SON to die for me and carry my sins. Yet—to actually jump? To leave the safety of secure footing? Yes–I believe the jump, the plunge, will be worth it–but there are countless what-if’s. I’d be risking so much. So I have to weigh my fears vs. my possibilities.
I have no doubt J will jump off that diving board in the very near future. And what a joyful and blessed moment in my life as a momma to see his delight and his excitement at finally understanding how awesome jumping off the diving board can be. What a precious reward to realize the exhilaration and the comfort that comes with being caught in the arms by his teacher.
Yes, I have trepidation in letting go of my fears, doubts, concerns and most certainly my control. But I know that it’s the only way. And the eternal reward will be epic. So here’s to walking to the edge, peeking over and diving right in!
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11